I still remember the moment everything changed. I was standing in front of my bathroom mirror, tears streaming down my face, rehearsing the same cruel internal monologue I'd been perfecting for decades. But this time, something was different. Through the fog of self-criticism, I heard my daughter's voice from the hallway, practicing her daily affirmations – a school exercise I'd encouraged. The irony hit me like a tidal wave: here I was, teaching my child self-love while tearing myself apart.
The Echo of Criticism
My journey with self-criticism started early. As the eldest daughter of immigrant parents, excellence wasn't just encouraged – it was expected. Every A- was a reminder that I could do better. Every minor mistake became evidence of my inadequacy. By my thirties, that critical voice had become so natural I didn't even recognize it as harmful anymore.
Breaking Point in the Board Room
It was during a major presentation that my lack of self-compassion finally caught up with me. I'd made a small error in my slides – the kind nobody else would notice or care about. But as I stood there, presenting to our company's executives, that mistake became all I could see. My inner critic went into overdrive, and suddenly, I couldn't breathe.
I excused myself, fled to the restroom, and had what I later learned was a panic attack. My colleague Sarah found me there, huddled in a corner, berating myself for being "weak" on top of everything else. What she said next would start me on a path I never expected.
Lessons from the Journey
- Self-compassion isn't self-indulgence – it's a crucial skill for mental health
- Being kind to yourself actually improves performance and relationships
- Change happens gradually, through small daily choices
- You can be ambitious AND self-compassionate
- The way we talk to ourselves matters deeply
The Ongoing Story
I'm not "cured" of self-criticism. That voice still pipes up, especially during stressful times. But now I have a gentler voice too, one that reminds me that I'm human, that mistakes are normal, that I'm worthy of compassion just as I am.
Last week, my daughter caught me practicing my affirmations in front of the mirror. She smiled and joined in, both of us declaring our worth to our reflections. In that moment, I realized that by learning to be kind to myself, I was teaching her the most valuable lesson of all – that she deserves kindness too.
How do you practice self-compassion? What helps you be kinder to yourself during difficult times? Share your journey in the comments below.