Breaking the Silence: A Father's Story of Loss and Male Mental Health Advocacy
By David Thompson
Published: August 24, 2025 • 12 min read
My son Jake died by suicide on March 15, 2023, at 28 years old. He was a successful engineer, marathon runner, and the kind of man everyone described as "having it all together." But behind his confident exterior, Jake was drowning in depression, anxiety, and shame—feelings he couldn't share because he believed real men don't struggle with mental health.
I'm sharing our story because Jake's death taught me something devastating: the cultural myths about male mental health are literally killing our sons, brothers, fathers, and friends. Every day we stay silent, we lose another man to suicide.
It's time to break the silence.
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
• Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
• Emergency services: Call 911
The Silent Crisis: Male Suicide Statistics
The numbers are staggering and should alarm every parent, partner, and community member:
Jake's Story: The Perfect Mask
Jake was everything our culture tells boys they should be: strong, successful, emotionally controlled. He graduated summa cum laude from engineering school, landed a dream job at a tech company, bought a house at 26, and ran Boston Marathon twice.
But success couldn't protect him from the depression and anxiety that started in college and grew worse with each passing year. Instead of seeking help, Jake doubled down on achievement, believing that if he just worked harder, earned more, accomplished more, the pain would go away.
It didn't. It got worse.
The Warning Signs I Missed
Looking back, the signs were there, but they were masked by Jake's determination to appear "fine":
- Perfectionism: Nothing was ever good enough
- Isolation: Stopped seeing friends, declined family gatherings
- Irritability: Short temper, especially about "weakness"
- Workaholism: 70-hour weeks to avoid being alone with his thoughts
- Substance use: "Social drinking" that became daily self-medication
- Physical complaints: Chronic headaches, insomnia, back pain
The Toxic Messages That Kill
Jake died because he believed the lies our culture tells men about mental health:
💀 Deadly Cultural Messages
- "Real men don't cry" – Emotions are weakness
- "Man up" – Push through pain alone
- "Boys don't need therapy" – Mental health help is for women
- "Provide and protect" – Your worth is your productivity
- "Never show vulnerability" – Asking for help is failure
These messages start early. We teach boys that:
- Crying makes them weak
- Anger is the only acceptable emotion
- They must solve problems alone
- Vulnerability equals failure
- Their value comes from what they do, not who they are
By the time they're adults, many men have learned to bury their emotional lives so deep they can't access them even when they're drowning.
Breaking the Cycle: What We Can Do
Jake's death destroyed me, but it also gave me purpose. I've spent the last year learning about male mental health and working to change the narrative that killed my son.
For Parents:
- Normalize emotions: Let boys see men cry, be scared, ask for help
- Teach emotional vocabulary: Help them name feelings beyond mad, sad, glad
- Model vulnerability: Share your struggles and how you cope
- Challenge gender stereotypes: It's okay to be sensitive, artistic, nurturing
- Make therapy normal: Mental health check-ups like physical check-ups
For Men:
- Check in with yourself: How are you really feeling?
- Build genuine friendships: Beyond sports and work talk
- Practice vulnerability: Share something real with someone you trust
- Consider therapy: It's strength training for your mind
- Watch for warning signs: In yourself and other men
For Communities:
- Create safe spaces: Men's mental health groups, support circles
- Train gatekeepers: Coaches, bosses, bartenders to recognize warning signs
- Challenge toxic messaging: Call out "man up" culture
- Support male-friendly mental health services: Therapists who understand male psychology
- Share stories: Male mental health advocates need platforms
To Any Man Reading This Who's Struggling
You are not alone. You are not weak. Your pain is real, and it matters.
Getting help doesn't make you less of a man—it makes you human. The strongest thing you can do is reach out when you're drowning.
Jake would be alive today if he had called that therapist's number I left on his counter. Don't let pride or shame rob you of your life. Don't let toxic masculinity steal your tomorrow.
Resources That Could Save Lives
Crisis Resources
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: Call or text 988
- Crisis Text Line: Text HOME to 741741
- Veterans Crisis Line: 1-800-273-8255 (Press 1)
- LGBTQ National Hotline: 1-888-843-4564
Male-Focused Mental Health Resources
- Men's Health Network: Information and advocacy
- Real Warriors Campaign: Military mental health
- Man Therapy: Mental health resources for men
- Movember Foundation: Men's mental health awareness
Jake's Legacy
I can't bring Jake back, but I can honor his memory by fighting the culture that killed him. Every man who gets help, every father who teaches his son it's okay to cry, every community that creates space for male vulnerability—that's Jake's legacy.
We need to redefine strength. Real strength isn't suffering in silence—it's having the courage to say "I'm not okay" and to seek help. Real strength is emotional honesty, vulnerability, and connection.
If you're a man struggling with mental health: your life has value beyond what you produce or achieve. You deserve care, support, and healing. Please don't suffer in silence. Please don't become another statistic.
Jake's story ends in tragedy, but yours doesn't have to. Break the silence. Save a life—maybe your own.